It seems to me that everything in life has an effect on my wife?s sexual desire
I feel like it?s because we have kids together and we are married, we have properties, financial bonding, family pressure etc.
She knows I can?t just walk away from our relationship, therefore she doesn?t have to put any effort into keeping me happy and having an interesting sex life
She used to be very sexual, imaginative, experimental, open and at times very naughty
Then came kids and it?s like that part of her brain got shutdown literately at child birth
All the attention, admiration, affection, desire, romance, pretty much went with it.
The only thing that stayed is that she occasionally says I love you.
After kids it?s like there is never a good time or there is always an excuse to not to make love, have sex rather than to do it.
Any reason will do, you just think of one and she will have used it at some point
The biggest thing by a long way though, is kids. Now 8 and 5 years old
The kids and everything surrounding them are auto turn off for her
I try and take the load off her and create a situation where there really wouldn?t be a reason not to but she will always dig something up, even at the last minute, which is infuriating.
I have to creep around on eggshells to keep her happy. The slightest upset could switch her off and all the work I put in is lost.
Even then, if she can?t find a reason she will just bail out with the excuse she?s not in the mood.
It?s like she uses the fact that we made these kids together so if they cause a problem that affects our relationship then that?s just tough nuts because you are part of the cause
Of course if you used your kids as an excuse to neglect important things to your partner, in a relationship where your partner was not a biological parent, then that would simply not fly!
She knows I?m sexual, and what we used to have, I have been trying for over 5 years now to get back to where we were but she is just not interested
She likes sex as long as it?s totally on her terms, which is, very basic, quick, occasional, un planned and only when she is in the mood, which is not very often
Needless to say that?s not enough for me
I have tried to be a modern supportive husband I take my fair share of looking after the kids and house etc,
I take an interest in things she is interested in even if I don?t really enjoy it
I have impeccable personal hygiene, keep myself in good shape, I?m devoted, loving and charming. I know this because I can pull in the attention of another woman without much effort.
So, I?m sure it?s not because I have deteriorated with age (nearly 40), if anything I have got better!
She on the other hand has not faired so well, lack of exercise, excessive eating drinking and smoking have all played their part.
We have been for counselling, tried to talk about it in a civil way and had blazing rows
We have separated and come back together
In the end it comes down to her saying
?You are prepared to leave your wife, family, and everything we have built together because the sex is not very good in your view?
Well after all this time, basically yes, that and the romance and being in love.
I?m so miserable that it all means nothing
I am fortunate enough to live in a society that supports fathers rights so if we separate I will get 50% custody of our kids, so I?m not even afraid of loosing them.
The rest of the stuff is material and the fact I will probably have to deal with a bitter ***** of an ex.
The point is
I see other couples who have spilt from their child bearing relationships and they seem really happy in their new relationships
So, another of my questions is
Is it because they make an effort for one another because they have no obligation to each other?
They are together because they want to be and not because of their history and commitments.
Each one has made the break before so it would be no sweat to do it again. Therefore if you want to keep your new loved one you are gonna have to work for it
Also the responsibility of your kids is all yours, you can?t argue with your partner over how to bring them up and you can?t use them as an excuse to stop giving attention to your partner.
Do these dynamics apply in reality?
Does anyone have any experience of this?
Is a poor sex life, a lack of romance and a burned out fire enough to justify a divorce?
Thanks for reading
TG
eric cantor eric cantor pope joan pope joan paul pierce strawberry festival knicks
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